This weeks article is by a guest
author
The Great Balancing Act:
Profession & Marriage
By Carwin Dover, Professional Business Coach
http://www.mycoachswebsite.com/
The odds are in a disproportionate favor that
you will be married during your life time. The odds are also
in a disproportionate favor that you will have a profession during
your life time. And guess what? The odds are in a disproportionate
favor that you will do both at the same time during your life
time. If you have succumbed to the odds, the following will be
of interest to you!
What does your present
"Great Balancing Act" look like?
- Family business with both spouses actively involved.
- Family business with one spouse active, the other "silent"
with an unrelated salaried profession to help make ends meet.
- Family business with one spouse active, the other "silent"
with unsalaried profession of "stay at home Mom."
- Both spouses with salaried professions unrelated to the other.
- One spouse with salaried profession, one spouse unsalaried
profession.
Consider
a few definitions of words or terms which will be used before
we start:
Balance: Think in terms
of a dynamic process rather than a rigid stance. Examples include
skiing, bicycle riding, and cooking.
Profession: A "public
declaration" of what you believe and of who you are and
of what you do. Your profession may or may not include a salary
and thus includes stay at home Moms, volunteers, and "silent,"
hard working partners in a family business.
Believe this and your Great Balancing Act can be fluid, rewarding
and peaceful. Your marriage can work. Your marriage is vital
to your profession. Your profession can enhance your marriage.
Your marriage can not only work -- it can help you live longer
and can be an asset to your profession. The basis for the comment,
"Your marriage can work," comes from my understanding
of "two become one" when marriage occurs. In the interest
of space, I won't elaborate here. If you are interested in a
further explanation from me, contact me at the address noted
below.
Marriage
vs. Divorce: What do studies show?
A great deal of research has been done in the area of marriage.
There are numerous studies available noting the effects of divorce
vs. marriage on people. Here are a couple of sound bites taken
from David B. Larson, M.D., James P. Swyers, M.A., and Susan
S. Larson, M.A.T. research-based seminar, "The Costly Consequences
of Divorce." Additional information may be obtained from
the National Institute for Health care Research by calling 301.231.7711
"The married have a (health) advantage at every period
of life, particularly prior to age 45... Among males 20-44 the
death rate for the married is only about half that for the single,
and an even smaller fraction of that for the widowed or divorced."
"...it is men who appear to reap the most physical health
benefits from marriage and suffer the greatest health consequences
when they divorce."
"Five years after a divorce, the average man's total
household income had grown by 14 percent, while the average divorce
woman's total household income had shrunk to 71 percent of the
pre-divorce level."
"A major reason for the disparities in post-divorce income
between men and women, is that many men are often failing to
pay child support to their ex-wives."
My interpretation from these sound bites is that staying married
and making the marriage beneficial can pay unknown benefits to
both husband and wife. Men tend to benefit more than women in
physical health by staying married. Women tend to benefit more
than men in economic health by staying married. It seems like
there is good motivation available for both parties to find ways
to forward their marriage from just these two observations.
Spend time reading and listening to ways to grow your marriage
rather than ways to get out of it!
Your marriage
is vital to your profession
Healthy marriages do not appear to be important to your profession
until your marriage becomes unhealthy or ends in divorce. Just
ask yourself how well your present profession would thrive should
you go through the process of a divorce.
If you own a business, could it survive if the assets were
divided in half and your spouse's half were taken from the business?
Most businesses do not survive such a "hit." Even if
your spouse is a "silent partner" or is not even listed
as a partner, your business may not survive the divorce court
ruling for dividing the marriage assets. Maintaining a healthy
marriage allows you to never consider turning over your business
to an impartial judge!
If you are a "stay at home Mom," would your children
continue to receive the amount of care from you as they do now?
The statistics say, "No!" Children do not do well during
and after a divorce. They find themselves traveling from one
house to the other, meeting strangers their Mom and/or Dad have
decided are the new love of their life, and dealing with parents
who still continue to fight. Finding the value in your marriage
allows you to avoid the complexities caused by changing the status
of your relationship.
Bottom line -- taking the time and energy to develop your
marriage in the same way you develop your profession has great
hidden benefits.
Three ways
your profession can enhance your marriage:
1. Use your professional strengths in your marriage relationship.
What makes you good in your profession? Organization? Leadership?
Commitment? Creativity? Flexibility? Generosity? Communication?
Perseverance? Attention to detail?
If your spouse were a customer, how would you use your strengths
to develop the relationship? Would you have more patience? Would
you be more interested? Would you be more communicative?
Often, very successful professionals find themselves feeling
very inadequate in their marital relationship. Consider the outrageous
possibility that you are very adequate. Now, show your stuff!
2. Use your professional opportunities to spend time together.
If you are in a salaried profession, you have opportunities
for travel. You may have company business, professional education
or sometimes, a bonus pleasure trip. Include your spouse occasionally
and take an extra day to check out the city you just spent three
days sitting in a windowless meeting room!
If you are in an unsalaried profession, you also have opportunities
to include your spouse. Kids love to have both parents at the
school Christmas program! The scouts love to find out about your
spouse. Chaperone a class trip or school dance together sometime.
The experience has a high possibility of bringing the two of
you together!
3. Use your professional experience to vitalize closeness.
Your professional experiences help build your character. Share
your experiences from a perspective of, "Guess what I learned
today, honey?" Take time to reflect on what you are learning
and communicate your experiences to your spouse.
Both you and your spouse will find your sharing is no longer
whining and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, you will both
be eager to spend time together to find out how each of you have
grown in your recent experiences and how you can use your experiences
for the future.
In conclusion, assume you can do the Great Balancing Act!
With such an assumption, you will find yourself seeking ways
to make it work. Include a Personal Coach who will forward you
in your marital relationship and in your profession.
The value of a healthy marriage cannot be measured in monetary
terms, yet, if it fails, you will discover the costs are economic,
physical and mental to each spouse, child and profession. The
choice of forwarding your profession and your marriage creates
a momentum which enables the Great Balancing Act to thrive beyond
your wildest dreams! Take action today.
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group or organization provided it is not altered in any way and
the following is attached:
©1998 - 2004 Eagle Marketing PO Box 271 Bozeman, MT
59771-0271
http://www.smalltownmarketing.com - (406) 585-0219 - Toll FREE
(888) 550-6100
email: tommail@smalltownmarketing.com
Based in Bozeman, MT, Tom Egelhoff is the author of How To Market, Advertise & Promote Your
Business Or Service In A Small Town, and The
Small Town Advertising Handbook: How To Say More And Spend Less.
He is also a seminar and workshop presenter
and trainer. He may be reached at 888-550-6100 or PO Box
271 Bozeman, MT 59771-0271
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